Beckenham Te Kura o Pūroto is a place where we want all of our students and their families to feel safe and happy. It is our values, and the 'culture' of our school (the way we do things) that helps us to create a supportive and mana enhancing learning environment.
A big part of what makes our school special is how diverse and multicultural our community is. All families prioritise and value different things at home and that makes us unique.
The language we use at home is very different from family to family. How one family communicates in their home and the language they feel is acceptable, can easily be recognised as taboo or appalling in others. This is why we talk to our students about 'Time and Place'.
Please support us by reinforcing to your child(ren) that some words that may be acceptable at home are not acceptable at school (or other places). Different places have different rules.
At Beckenham Te Kura o Pūroto, we do not want our tamariki swearing or using anti-social language. Our school needs to be a safe and happy place for all.
The following is a useful article on swearing:
Swearing: why do school-age children do it? It can be quite a shock when your child starts to swear. You might be wondering where your child learned that kind of language – and whether they really understands what they're saying. How you react to your school-age child’s swearing now will influence their future swearing behaviour.
Swearing: why do school-age children do it?
When school-age children swear, it’s usually to express negative feelings. It’s often a response to something painful, upsetting or frustrating.
Children might also swear to fit in socially. They might be trying to be part of the group or to stand out by being funny or adding shock value to their talk. Children might also be imitating others when they swear.
Some children swear because it gets a strong reaction from their parents.
What to do about swearing: immediate action
Speak to your child about their choice of words, rather than ignoring the behaviour. Your child might or might not fully understand a swear word’s meaning, however they understand that words can hurt or offend others.
Your reaction will influence whether your child swears again. Stay calm and explain clearly that the word your child used is not OK. You could also explain that the word might hurt other people’s feelings. This will go a long way towards preventing future swearing.
What to do about swearing: longer-term
It’s a good idea for the adults in your home to discuss and agree on acceptable language, and discuss this with your child. For example, in some families, expressions like ‘Oh my god’ are OK, but other words aren’t. In some families, these expressions won't be acceptable.
If your family has rules about swearing, it’ll be easier to point out when your child is using unacceptable language. For example, you might say, ‘Remember, that’s not a word we use in our home’.
Here are more ideas to encourage respectful speaking and reduce swearing:
- Explain to your child that some words that are acceptable at home might not be acceptable at school (or other places). Different places have different rules.
- Think of other words to use if you find it hard to stop swearing, and other ways to handle difficult situations. For example, instead of swearing, you could say something like, ‘I feel really frustrated or angry’. This way you’re modelling better ways of expressing feelings. If your child has heard you swearing, it can also help to explain why you were swearing.
- Praise your child when you notice them dealing more appropriately with anger or frustration. For example, if your child tells you that a playmate was using swear words to tease, praise your child for walking away from the situation and not using those words.
- Be aware of what your child watches, listens to and plays with. That means supervising and checking the ratings on TV programmes, movies, music and other multimedia. It’s also a good idea to have the TV, computers and other devices in a part of the house where you can easily see them.
Some children will keep pushing swearing boundaries after being told not to. If you find yourself in this situation, you could try the following strategies:
- Clearly state the rules. For example, you could say, ‘We use respectful language in this family’.
- Clearly state that you won’t tolerate any abusive behaviour or language that’s directed towards others.
- Tell your child what the consequences will be if you hear swear words and follow through with that consequence e.g. loss of privileges on devices.
- Praise your child for not swearing in situations where they normally would.
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